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The central intelligence agency known as the CIA is looking for more homosexuals to fill up its ranks and if you wish to bend over and do it for your country that might be a great job for you. Male homosexuals are good relationship builders like women and they can get a little bit of action on the side while getting paid to screw foreigners who might be a threat to our country.

Additionally it makes sense for homosexuals to work outside the country and spread AIDS in other locations rather inside the United States. Some people may think this is a derogatory, anti-homosexuals comment, however since it is the truth and they are a very promiscuous group this could indeed reduce the AIDS crisis here at home if they work in foreign nations.

Homosexuals working for the CIA will be giving back to society by doing a very important job and they can spy up on their targets in a very personal way and make sure they are carrying any contraband in various cavity regions of the body. This is one way the American people can support the homosexual population by hiring them and giving them a job with benefits.

Many employers don’t want have anything to do with homosexuals but are in fear that they might get sued if they do not hire them. At least this way they will be working for a government agency who really needs them and wants them so very badly. Oh la la, as they CIA says. The CIA is looking for homosexuals and you should bend over and do it for your country. Consider this in 2006.

“Lance Winslow” - Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/wttbbs/

As we listen to the two principal culprits of Al-Qaeda attempt to motivate the unsuspecting to become suicidal dupes of its ideology, we cannot help but hear that their furious rhetoric is grievously flawed. We decided we might save some lives by bringing to bear on their promise of Paradise via murder the most frightening prospect a furiously brandished lie can confront: logic.

Let’s begin by reviewing the fundamental values on which their provocative illogic is based:

1. There is only one true God

2. God is great

3. The way to please God is to kill people who don’t believe in Him exactly the way we do.

Well, well, let’s have a look-see.

If there is only one true God, we are all - Sunnis, Shiites, Christians, Jews, and those who believe anything else - “children” of the same God.

If God is great, God is logical.

If God is logical, He would very likely not be pleased by some of His children killing His other children. In fact, He would, logically, be upset.

If so, He would be far less likely to offer the preferment of His highest reward to those who killed His other children. In the traditional eschatology of what’s up and what’s down, He would, in fact, present the wayward murderers with a more heated welcome and final destination.

Now, in place of Al-Qaeda’s fundamental illogic, let’s ask if there might be a more promising means of paradisiacal ascent.

How about, instead of belligerence, beards or burkahs, we turn to that staple of merit, behavior?

We suggest the widely applicable alternative of mutually considerate behavior; even better, the high but underestimated virtue of kindness. We needn’t put off those we hope most to influence by suggesting the ideal advocated by many of those al-Qaeda tarnishes as infidels and crusaders: love for one another.

Yes, Osama and Ayman, it is by behavior inspirited by benevolence, not murder incited by hatred, that Muslims, or any other inhabitants of this life-blessed earth, are more likely to please any one true God and thereby gain entrance to the Paradise such a God may have reserved for them.

If one must advocate a radicalism, let it be a commendable one - a radicalism, preferably considered just normal behavior, that embraces all humans beings as brothers and sisters, and, in fact, every living thing that has found a foothold on this fragile paradise of life, as it spins its uncertain way through the slightly traveled and only fractionally understood universe.

Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing “”delightfully funny” and “witty” with “good, genuine laughs.”